Chpeter 1 – Egao ga matteru [The smile is waiting]
Chapter 2 – Te wo tsunaide yukou [Let's Walk Holding Hands]
Chapter 3 – Watashi kagami [The mirror of myself]
Chapter 4 – Special happiness
Chapter 5 – Nichijou evolution [Ordinary evolution]
Chapter 6 – Hajimete no asa
Chapter title: Nichijou evolution [Ordinary evolution]
Both boys were heading downstairs to the livingroom.
„Where is the switch?“ asked Kusano.
„Don´t turn the light on, it´s painful after waking up.“ Notti knew Massu didn´t mean it as a scolding, but he felt like apologizing anyway:
„For waking you up.“
„Well...I´m awake now.“ Said Massu and made himself comfortable on the couch.
More silence –
„Notti, I´m sure you didn´t wake me up because you wanted to stare into darkness with me, did you?“
Kusano sat down on the floor and started shakily talking:
„I don´t know where to start. I ... I´m curious.“
„About our ... friendship. I don´t want to sound cheesy but ... you are ... after all the years you are the only person I feel free with. You are the person who I want to be held by after a fight with my parents. I ... I thought that it´s alright, but...“
„It can´t be NOT alright to want to be held by somebody Notti.“ Said Massu.
Strange, Kusano got used to the situations where he´s not sure if Massu really knows what Kusano‘s talking about. Does Massu know it now?
„But I still think it‘s not right to want to kiss a boy. I feel it Massu. Why is it like this?! Why do I want to feel you touch me like you did that night. It´s so... so...“
„Natural?“ Massu rose his eyebrows and smiled softly.
„Do you feel it too?“ asked Kusano after another pause.
„Yeah I do. But I‘d felt it even before the night, it´s ... it´s about feelings Notti, why don´t you just skip the gender crap.“
„Gender crap??? But...what would they say?!“
„Who Notti?! Those are our feelings, not theirs!“
„My parents, your parents...the boys. I don´t even know anybody who is gay.“
„I´m not gay Notti, neither are you. It´s about a certain feeling for a certain person. To hell with this: And God said that the main reason for people to live is having a lot of children.“ Said Massu, already angry.
Kusano was silent. He hates it. The situation where the truth is so obvious and that he can´t fight back.
Massu stood up and crouched down in front of Kusano.
„Do you want to kiss me?“ he asked softly and tried to control the urge to remove the hair from Kusano´s forhead. He knew that his friend is probably fighting the tears, he did not want the younger one to feel embarrassed.
„Yes. But ... But I can´t do it. I ... won´t do it.“
He heard Massu sigh.
„Do you want me to kiss you?“
„Not now...“ stuttered Kusano completely lost in his mixed feelings right now.
„Ok, let´s go back and sleep, ok? It was a long day.“ said Massu and held out his hand for Notti.
„Can we talk a little longer? I need to get myself more tired, or I´ll end up staring into darkness again.“
Massu sat back on the couch and started:
„Ok, wanna play the game?“
„Kyaaaa... you mean truth or dare again?“
„C´mon it´s just me and you now.“ Massu pointed out.
„Ok...who is Nao then?“ Asked Kusano.
„Ah...it´s my highschool friend. She´s something like...“
„Sexu frendo?“ helped Kusano.
„Well yeah.“ Smiled Massu.
„I started to work a lot while being at high school. And she was already representing Japan in swimming. And once we somehow spoke about how lonely it is to be so busy and „on display“. She still comes to make love sometimes. When she wants she comes. When I want, I go to her place.“
„You love her?“ asked Kusano.
„So why do you call it love making?“
„It´s just I don´t like the word sex, it seems so impersonal.“
„Souka...“ bobbed Kusano.
„What do you feel for her then? You have to feel something.“
„Hmmm... Probably sympathy. I always understand the way she´s feeling at the moment. And so does she. All we needed when we were together was a tight hug from a person who understands.“
„Wow...you are so different from the Massu I knew. I never expected you to be so open minded. Especially about things like sexuality.“
„Yeah, I know...I´m buta-chan. The boy who loves food and never thinks about naughty things.“
Both of them giggled.
„My mom hates it. I mean ... the relationship I have with Nao. I tried to explain it, that I don´t want to be alone all the time. Then she told me to find a real girlfriend, she doesn´t understand that I´m not really in a position to find a mother to my children yet.“
„Grraa...if my mother knew how many girls I‘ve slept with she would probably disinherit me instantly.“
„No no... don´t ask me, I would have to disappear under the couch for hours because of how ashamed I´d be.“
„SO MANY??“ exclaimed Massu.
„Well...I´m not called Notti just for nothing. I wasn´t a good boy back before the suspension. But I learned my lesson.“
„Nao was your only one?“
„Yeah, I ... don´t need more.“ Smiled Massu.
„Where is room for me then?“ asked Kusano all serious out of the blue.
„She´s not coming anymore. Actually...the last night we spent together was like half a year ago. That´s why I don´t have my nails varnished anymore. She varnished it everytime we were together. Something like a ritual.“
„Notti, I´m really exhausted, can we go to sleep now?“
„Of course.“ Said Kusano, but still he knew that it’s going to be hopeless to try falling asleep. The salvo of emotions and truths to accept was starting to be too much for him.
Kusano was sitting by his work-desk, trying hard to think about his new school project. His sister just came home from school and turned the radio on right away.
„Hey you, I´m here.“ Said Kusano and turned around to take a look at her.
„I know.“ Smiled Aiko.
Whatthefuck?!!! Kusano wasn´t really in a mood for joking.
„Aiko, please, can you turn it off? I have to finish this in less then 2 weeks.“
„Mouuu! Nii-chan, I need my music, I´m healing my broken heart and you know it.“
Then Kusano heard a very familiar voice.
Ai ai gasaaaa...
Kusano was listening carefully.
Suki ni natta...
„You are smirking!“ his sister was suddenly standing next to him and pointing at his face.
„No I´m not...“
„Omigod and now you are blushing!!!“
„Shi* I can´t work here, really!“ shouted Kusano and grabbed his wallet and keys.
There were his parents downstairs.
„Hironori? Where are you going?“ asked his mother and she looked worried.
„Come here, we have to talk about something with you.“
Kusano felt the heat of anger getting him.
“Look...I was working for hours upstairs now, and I can´t continue, because I have to share my room with two sisters...“
„Cut it off... now! And come here.“ His father rose his voice. Kusano gritted his teeth and joined them by the table.
„We are worried about you. There was this thing with drugs in Playzone. Now...one of your former classmates is...“ his mother gulped.
„He got one highschool girl pregnant, it´s Shin-kun.“ Kusano felt his heart race.
„Are you still hanging out with him? You leave the house almost every night, we would like you to tell us what you‘re doing.“
„I´m not in touch with my high-school friends.“
„Then where do you disappear every evening?“
„I go jogging.“
„Every night? Hironori, if you have a girlfriend, you can just...“
„I go jogging with Masuda Takahisa.“
„From News?“ asked his father.
„Do you know any other Masuda Takahisa??“
„Stop with these sarcastic notes, will you? We were just worried. Shin-kun and your other friends were also investigated in school because of marihuana, we just wanted to know...“
„I don´t do drugs, I don´t sleep with random girls anymore, I´m perfectly healthy because of the everyday exce...“
„ANYMORE?“ His mother gasped for air.
„What?“ Kusano asked confused.
“You´ve just said you don´t sleep with random girls ANYMORE.“ Repeated his father. Kusano blushed.
„Well...“sighed Kusano giving up.
„Ok, I... don´t really know how we got here.“ His father sighed as well.
“Darling, I would like to...“
„I would like to – lot of things mom. For example, I would like you two to accept my design studies. I need your help, I can´t just go upstairs and tell Aiko to disappear, you can at least ...“
„You know we can´t do this.“hissed his father.
„Why not!? You are her parents, she would have to at least turn off the ...“
„If you weren´t that stupid two years ago, you would have had enough money to get your own apartment now. Don´t tell us how to raise 4 children.“
Kusano´s patience reached its limits...again. He stood up and was about to leave.
„When will you be back?“ asked his mother.
„When I won´t feel the strong urge to tell you very dirty and bad things.“
Massu was changing into his jogging suit when his phone rang.
„Massu, it´s me.“
„Am I late? I thought...“
„No, you are not. Em...I somehow left my house in my jeans and jacket...and no, there is no way I could go back there and change now.“
Massu smiled knowingly. Another fight at Kusano´s house.
„Then just ... come here, we can watch a movie.“
„I would like to Massu, but ... I don´t feel like returnig home today, understand what I mean?“
„If you don´t mind spending night on a futon, you are welcome.“
„Futon...yeah, that would be great. Eh...shall I bring some food?“
„No, my mom just finished the dinner, come right away.“
After the dinner, Kusano prepared his futon next to Massu´s bed.
„Are you tired?“ asked Massu when both of them disappeared under their sheets.
„I don´t want to sleep either. What shall we do?“
It came naturaly onto his lips:
„Can you kiss me?“
Any of them moved.
„You´ve said you want it as „ordinary evolution“.“ Massu pointed out and looked down at his friend.
„I know...I need the feeling. I want you to kiss me now, please do it till I have time to think about it more.“
Kusano sat up. Their faces were just a breath away from each other.
Then Massu did, what he was asked for. Kissed Kusano gently. First...
Who knows how they ended up both in one bed. Kusano lying on top of Massu. Their kisses deepened and ... any of them marked that the door of his room opened a little and after a while, silently closed again.
Ok guys, I´m sorry. It took me too long so it´s really difficult to get back to the feeling and original plans. But I´ll finish it. Don´t worry :)
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