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17 June 2008 @ 12:51 pm
All the way ... (3/?)  
Series Title: All the Way
Chapter Title: A tiny light
Authors: kusanobabe05 and ivonnemcgruder
Beta: mtfanatic, thanks dear love you.
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: massano and more news member ai
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 2B - Koyato side chapter


Photobucket



Thanks to K+K presence, the dinner time was peaceful and merry. Notti felt at home. The flat felt even smaller then usual, but it finally felt like home. Warm food, laugher, not a mess around...it was home. K+K left after dinner, Massu wasn’t really sure why they left so early, but he felt strange movements under the small table. He could bet that Kei was teasing Shige with his foot under the table the whole dinner. When the door closed behind those two, Massu finally asked, "Notti...today, when I was leaving, I said I’ll come back for you to return you home, where you belong. This was beautiful evening, and you cleaned the flat so perfectly I can’t even recognize it, but...it’s not home. Anyone would feel alone here...."

Notti wrapped his arms around his knees; he said softly, "Where would you have go..."

"Nani…" Massu asked worried, when he felt that Notti is closing up again.

Notti closed his eyes, "This place is all I have...if I go home kaachan will rag on me to quit and otousan will agree. I can't live with people who want to kill my dreams. Otousan said I must not want them badly enough because I was suspended. They don't understand I didn't do it...they think I deserve what I got and more. It's awful to live with people who don't believe you..."

"Sorry, I’ve ... never went through something like this." Massu dropped his look for a while ashamed of being so persistent. "So you are staying here?" he suddenly felt the urge to touch Kusano’s hair, pat him. So, he laid his palm on Notti’s cheek and ran his fingers through his spiky hair. It was beautiful to see how Notti closed his eyes and nuzzled against that warm palm.

Notti whispered, "Ojichan left me some money...when he died and said it was mine whenever I needed it. I think he knew I needed a place of my own...it isn't much but I paid up for nine months. I figured the cheaper it was the longer I could stay and it would give me time to find a day job until Johnny let me back. The little I got for Chance2Change helped some. Everything important is here..." he looked up at Massu, hoping he understood exactly what he meant by that.

"Except bed, TV, closet..." pointed Massu on the stand where Notti had all his clothes hanging. But when he saw the futon, he felt strange warming emotions filling him.
"The futon is not that uncomfortable though."

Notti shook his head, "Some things aren't that important..." the last part of what Massu said finally clicked, he blushed, "Massu...I have the futon because it doubles as a couch and takes up the least amount of space."

"Ok...you feel comfortable staying here. But you know Yamapi told us that your mother really misses you. He found her crying in your old room." Massu realized he can’t be sure that Kusano knows about his sister and...crap.

Notti blinked, "Yamapi...what are you talking about..."

"Nothing special...can I eat the rest of ramen Shige had left?" jumped Massu to the table and filled quickly his mouth with food.

Notti jumped up and grabbed Massu by the shirt, "You better explain...why was Yamapi at Kaachan's."

"Mouuuu...Notti, he’ll kill me! Ask him, ask him or...your...sister." stuttered Massu. He hoped that Kusano will get it after this hint.

Notti glared, "Yamapi...neechan...no fucking way." he grabbed his phone and called Yamapi.

Yamapi was curled up on the couch in his apartment watching a early release of Kurosagi. He swore as his phone went off, it was a Friday night can't he get a break? he answered sharply, "Pi here, what do you want..."

Notti growled, "What's this I hear about you and my sister..."

The girl who was sitting with Yamapi’s head in her lap asked irritated, "Who is it this time…"

Notti shouted in shock, "Meiko...I thought for sure it was Yukina. Where the hell are you..."

Yamapi winced, pulling the phone away from his ear, he looked up at the lady in question, "It sounds like Notti and he's mad..."

"My brother???" she crossed her arms in front of her chest in sign "SPARE ME".
"YOU talk to him..." she suggested.

Yamapi sighed; this could take a while, "Yeah Notti, what's the problem..."

Notti growled, "I just found out that you've been hanging out with my sister and that's all you can say..."

Yamapi swore, "You might have found out sooner if your phone actually worked before today."

Notti snapped, "I was busy...you understand busy. With Kurosagi and Proposal Daisakusen, filming you flunked a class. I got the phone when I had the time. I told Kei so no excuses there."

Meiko angrily took the phone in her hand and said, "This is the place of Yamashita Tomohisa and Akanishi Jin, we are not here right now, so please after you start to live your life again, leave us a message. Ja." And she simply hung up on her brother. She loved her little bro, but she also knew that there is no way to deal with him when he gets stubborn or angry.

Notti said at the phone, Meiko-neechan was really mad this time. The life comment hurt...she had a point. He hoped she wasn't talking about giving up on Johnny's again...he collapsed to the floor as tears filled his eyes, "I didn't mean to make her angry..."

Massu watched whole scene...hearing Notti’s sister clearly. "C’mon, you’ve just probably interrupted something ... you know." Then again he felt like smacking himself, this wasn’t really time to give Notti a picture of his oldest sister making out with his friend.

Notti didn't hear him...he stared at the phone, "Neechan...I'm sorry..."

"You start crying and I’m going to call the police that my friend Kusano Hironori is missing. Time Notti, time is the best doctor. Let it heal your life...and us, let us heal your heart. Don’t ever resist us, ok? Me, Kei, Shige, Pi....the rest."

Notti tried to laugh but he couldn't...he leapt on Massu and buried his tear-streaked face in Massu's shirt quickly before Massu could see it, "Just hold me..."

Massu hugged him and whispered. "You really need to do something with your life Kusano. All these regrets and missing things are killing you. I can’t even recognize you right now." whispered Massu and tightened the hug.

Notti hated the depression that choked him, he wished he'd never gone to that party...but then would Massu be here...he whispered "I'm sorry I have been being like this...I want to go back to the old cocky Notti in some ways."

"That can be arranged." Smiled Massu and pat Kusano’s cheek. "Just don’t resist it, ok? I’ll help you."

"Show me how to forget the pain..." Notti whispered

Massu still wasn’t able to understand what PAIN Kusano feels. He never needed to face even similar problems. "You have your own flat, you are a university student with many friends in the Jumisho. There is no need to fret."

Notti whispered, "Do you still want me..."

"I don’t know what exactly I want right know, but I know that you had lit a tiny light somewhere inside of me. Please give me time to ..." he stopped when he felt Kusano’s hand clenching the back of his t-shirt. "Give me time to get used to this. But again..." said Massu and kissed Notti’s shoulder lightly. "You need to repeat things to get used to them...right?" whispered in his friend’s ears.

Notti said softly, "But only if you want me..."

"I want you to help me get used to you." Massu whispered.

"Then kiss me...hold me...everything else can wait. You chased the depression away before...save me."

So, Massu kissed him. Deeply and strong. He knows how the closeness and passion can make you feel warm and safe. He wanted Notti to feel like this. Chase all his friend’s fears far from him.

Notti wrapped his arms around Massu's neck and moaned into the kiss. He loved Massu he didn't know if Massu loved him as much but at least Massu was honest with him... he whispered against Massu's soft lips, "Don't stop..."

Massu stopped and stood up. He went around sitting Kusano and sat comfortably on the futon. Then he just clapped his hands and spread it for his friend:
"Come here."

Notti went and lay next to him, "I'm here..."

Massu lay next to him, their shoulders touching, "I’m here too. I’m here, you are here.." he let the sentence hang in the air.

Notti whispered, "Are you saying you want me like last night...is that what you want from me..." he wanted so much hear Massu say yes...he'd wanted him all day but he was afraid he'd scared Massu away.

".........yes..." said Massu with the soft voice but did not move.

Notti closed his eyes, forcing the depression away...Massu was here, he wanted him and that's all that mattered. He rolled Massu onto his back and climbed on top of him kissing him, the whole while murmuring, "Massu...I've wanted you so much but I didn't think you wanted me..." he broke away barely long enough to pull their shirts off before attacking that sweet mouth again.

"I want you, so don’t stop. Don’t run from this battle. I’m not running either." Massu whispered and rolled them over to top Kusano and kiss his neck.

Notti was a little shock at that and then he found it was what he wanted. He moaned as Massu kissed his neck; he said what he dreamed of saying, "Taka...hisa..." Massu's name fell from his lips, "How did you know I wanted that...I didn't even know..."

"You are talking way too much again. . ." said Massu as he kissed Kusano’s shoulder.
"Finally back to your old self." giggled Massu when he realized it. He laid his head on Kusano’s shoulder and looked down to watch his own trembling fingers to fiddle with the buckle of Notti’s belt.

Notti whispered, "I can't promise I'll be quiet...I'm known to be loud..."

"I’m sure I’ll like to hear that." Massu smiled at him and slid his palm under the opened zipper of Notti’s baggy pants. It was still new...but he sort of like the look on Notti’s face as he petted him.

Notti closed his eyes groaned loudly as he pressed himself into Massu's touch, "Taka...aaaahhh...." Massu was more sure of himself then last night, he liked that...

Massu sucked on Kusano’s neck and slid his hand into Kusano’s boxers. He started to stroke him and he could feel how Kusano’s member awakened, coming alive under his touch...it was...a wonderful feeling.

Notti clutched at the bedding, his moans getting louder. Massu knew how to touch him...he could make him go wild. He was getting hard under Massu's caress, he didn't want him to stop but he wanted more then just touching but he was afraid to ask...

Massu really liked to hear those moans. Kusano is easy to read in the bed it seems...you can tell exactly what was the right spot to push, when he’s getting close to release. Massu liked it. He run the thumb over the head of Notti’s member.

"Taka...." Notti wailed as he thrust up into Massu's hand. "I'm so close...I don't want it on the bed...get a shirt or something..." he blushed, he didn't want a shirt...he wanted Massu's mouth. BUT would Massu do that for him...

Massu took his own shirt off and covered his hand on Notti’s crotch with it. He stopped even kissing his friend, because...he wanted to watch his face. The face of blushed...eyes closed, lips parted, growing in pleasure. He watched it closely, every inch of Kusano’s face. "You are beautiful..." Massu said breaking the silence.

Notti was happy that Massu understood him even it wasn't what he really wanted...he whispered, "Tell me you want me to..."

"I want you happy. I want you relaxed. I want you to come." Massu said.

Notti cried out, "Taka..." as he came, Massu's words warmed his heart, stole his soul and brought him the most comfort he'd ever known. he swore there were fireworks this time...Massu wanted him...that’s all that mattered...

Massu watched his friend come. Then he used his shirt to clean his hand and Notti’s belly. He lay next to Notti, watching him closely, "Yet this is still weird feeling. When did you ... since when did you know you wanted this?" Massu asked with soft smile.

Notti blushed, "I didn't for a while...until I realized that you were the one I missed the most. More then Kei and Shige...then you began invading my dreams. They left me alone and pining for you in the morning. I spent the time before I moved in with Uchi sleeping all the time just to escape from the loneliness. I wanted you so much I tried to replace you with someone like you but the likeness didn't help...I only wanted you. I still want you more then anything..."

"This sounds so...wow. I always thought that your only relation to me was your never-ending need to beat me in every strength contest we participated in." said Massu and moved Kusano’s fringe out of his eyes. "This feel brand new to me. And...I like it. Don’t doubt this, ok?"

Notti nodded, "I think I wanted to spend time with you but I didn't understand why until I lost you. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, I never realized how true that was until I discovered I was in love with you. I wanted you even more because you were out of reach. I still can barely believe you want me too...you're Masuda Takahisa, one of the most popular members. Tesshi wouldn't even have gotten as popular as he is without you. I'm so glad you want me...it makes me feel alive. It's almost summer...I want to see if you still look as hot in a pair of swim trunks." he teased as he ran a hand up Massu's thigh.

"I wonder if you would prefer me without them." Massu giggled, Kusano’s fingers tickled.

Notti smirked, "I prefer you...in my bed but a beach together would be fun. You, me, the stars and the sand....perfect." he tackled Massu to the bed, laughing, "My turn..." as he tugged the rest of Massu's clothes off. he wrapped his hand around Massu stroking him as he attacked Massu with hungry kisses."

He lost his mind again. He wasn’t quite used to such amount of passion...Notti’s energy was overwhelming. It didn’t take long and he started too move against Notti’s hand. Then again he was distracted with his friend’s hungry lips.
"More..." he moaned.

Notti whispered seductively in his ear, "What do you mean by more...what do you want me to do? I can suck you off like last night or I can show you how to love me..." at his last sentence he did something he'd never done to Massu before...he reached for something he'd always wanted to touch but hadn't had the courage until now. He caressed Massu;' balls lightly, rolling them and rubbing them with his fingertips. "Do you like that..."

Massu took a deep breath in and rolled Kusano off of him.
"Sorry...but...dame. Sex? It’s been hardly one day since I kissed you first, since I kissed some boy first. Wanting sex...dame deshou?!" Massu felt slightly angry. This is not right. He was the type of a guy who is afraid of taking a hand of his girlfriend in his after weeks of dating. How did he get here? How come he let Notti touch him like this?

Notti frowned, "We don't have to...I was only saying that when you want to I already trust you. If I scared you and came on too fast, I didn't mean to. We can stop right now...I don't want to hurt you or make you embarrassed Massu...I love you too much." he dropped the endearment, now was not the time. He rolled over taking half the blanket. Closing his eyes, he yelled at himself, 'stupid Notti, you have to ruin everything don't you. You want too much, too fast and you may have just killed the best thing to ever happen to you. You are pathetic.' he shivered with self-loathing.

"You were always like this Notti. Heading for what you want...no respecting boundaries. It was fun to watch but I’ve never known how scary it can be if I’m in the way." Massu put on his boxers, pants and then he realized he can’t wear his t-shirt. He used it to clean them. He dropped back on the futon and hid his face in palms murmuring, "I like you Kusano. I like you very much. Let’s start this again, from the very beginning." Then he turned around to see Kusano curled in the sheets. He grabbed his hand and whispered, "I have a free day tomorrow. Wanna go watch a movie with me?"

Notti whispered, "You want to take me on a date...I thought I made you uncomfortable. If you're not too angry, I'd go anywhere with you..."

"You hands down on my...ehm...made me uncomfortable. I’m totally ok to spend whole day hanging out with you." Massu said.
"So...tomorrow…Movie…"

Notti whispered, "I'd like that...if I move too fast just make me slow down...I don't want to lose you...I need you so much..."

Massu quickly covered Notti’s mouth with his palm. "And one more thing, don’t say things like "everything I need is you" or "I can’t live without you" and similar. I heard you the first time. I heard you the second time. I won’t forget it, I promise." It sounded harsh and Massu knew it. Massu also knew that Notti deserves why. "You can easily get used to it. And once the person stops telling it to you, needing you...it hurts twice more." Massu wasn’t sure about telling anybody about his experience. It still hurt. Especially watching what the person grew to be...

Notti's eyes went wide, someone had hurt Massu with words like his...he thought for a moment his heart would break. He had caused Massu pain...he said softly, "I'm sorry...I'll never say that again if it causes you pain. Just don't leave me...I'll get stronger I promise. I didn't mean to move too fast...if you say we have to slow down I will. I think we deserve a chance, because I love you so I'll do anything you want."

"Here you go again ... "I love you" ... "I’ll do anything you want"." Massu run his fingers thru his friends hair.
"First you need to start loving yourself again. Then somebody else. First, you need to know what YOU really want. As I know... I want your presence, I want you to be happy again, but I really feel uncomfortable hearing from you that I’m the only one you’d do anything for. I’m the only one you love. It’s stressing." dropped Massu his look at the last words he said.

Notti put his hand on his mouth, he'd made a mistake again. He bit his lip, "If I promise to go back to counseling, would that help us..." As much as he hated counseling, he wanted them to work.

"Ok, I’ll support you. And so will Kei, Shige, Pi, Tesshi...all your old buddies. I thing that hanging out with us will be the best counseling you can attend. Especially with Kei." Massu giggled, "Promise?" asked Massu and raised his pinky.

Notti whispered, "I promise...if we do nothing more...can you just hold me for a while...just so I know that I'm not alone when I sleep. I promise to keep my hands to myself."

Massu knew that that wouldn’t be the right thing to do now. Notti needs to get better, to be able to stay on his own two feet without support. In this condition it’s easy to get too dependable.
"I’ll go home tonight, then...I’ll come to your place and pick you up for a movie tomorrow. We’ll eat together, shop together ... what about karaoke? But today...please can you lend me one of your shirts? I think my mom would not be very happy to see this." Massu picked up his dirty shirt.

Notti nodded, he knew Massu wasn't staying tonight. He stood up slowly and dug through his shirts and tossed his grey anchor blue fender's shirt to him. He shrugged, "Its a little big, you can have it...I'm too skinny for it. What time..."

Notti looked slightly angry. Massu’s heart raced from Notti’s cold behavior. But he knew that it’s for his sake...that Massu is leaving. Massu put on the shirt and the approached the door. "I’ll pick you up at 10. Work for you? Hironori..."

Notti felt his anger soften, "10 is fine...I have to read four chapters for Business Economics anyway. Do you want me to wash that for you? I'm sorry I got it dirty."

Massu clasped his hands, “Onegai." Then he just turned and with loud "matta ashita", he left Notti’s apartment. It was raining outside. He was wearing only the shirt and baggy jeans. When he reached his home, he was totally drenched. He took a quick hot shower and disappeared under his sheets. Then suddenly...he felt the need to know what Notti was doing right now. Is he sleeping? Or... He dialed his friend’s number and waited for answer.

Notti was trying to wash the stains out of Massu's shirt, he knew he should be studying but he couldn't concentrate. his phone went off...the sound of Teppen sort of shocked him. He checked his watch it was late, he ran for the phone catching the call at the last second, "Massu...I thought you were going to bed.

"I am in bed. What are you doing?"

Notti smiled at the thought, "Not much I rinsed the stains out of your shirt. I haven't washed it yet. I tried studying but I couldn't concentrate."

"Baka, It’s near midnight now...go to bed." suggested Massu and placed his phone between his ear and pillow.

Notti laid down yawning, "Sounds like a good idea." as he curled under the blanket that still smelled like Massu. "Mmmm...the bed is nice and soft."

"So is mine...I feel tired." said Massu with already small voice.
"Tell me about something." he yawned and closed his eyes.

Notti laid staring at the ceiling, "Mmmm...I'm thinking of writing a song for NewS to sing...about finding love where you least expect it. What do you think..."

"Unhn...cool. Tell me more..." Massu shifted a little and felt that he’s already falling asleep. But he desperately wanted to hear Notti’s voice so he forced his voice to answer.

Notti felt sleep so close, "I'm not sure about the lyrics though...should they be a confession or acknowledgement of one's true feelings..."

"Uhn..." Massu smiled softly in his sleep. Those were the last words he can remember.

Notti fell asleep to the sound of Massu's voice he forgot to hang up as he drifted off.
 
 
Current Location: jimusho
Current Music: Loveholic - ?
 
 
 
nozomi777nozomi777 on June 18th, 2008 10:08 pm (UTC)
Koyama and Shige... I know exactly why the was leaving so early hehehehe ^^
Masuda can be a little... non very maladroit sometimes ne?
This story with Yamapi and Kusano's sister surprised me a lot, perhaps more than Kusano ^^
I really like this relationship between Masuda and Kusano and the best moment of this chapter is when they are speaking with phone. I'm happy that Masu will spend all his day off with Kusano.
I like what Masu said to Kusano, about dont' say things like "Everything I need is you"... It's not good for Kusano. But I wonder what hurt Masuda in the past...
Thank you for this chapter!!!
Ivonneivonnemcgruder on June 19th, 2008 02:09 pm (UTC)
You should know exactly why they left since there was a side chapter :D Btw. would it disappoint you if Massu actualy stop being afraid already in next chapter?
nozomi777nozomi777 on June 19th, 2008 02:48 pm (UTC)
I think no. If he is not afraid the day after, it would be quick and strange but I will not be disappointed. But it's possible to change his mind so quickly?
Anyway, I have to wait the next chapter for know '^^
Ivonneivonnemcgruder on June 19th, 2008 02:56 pm (UTC)
We´ll work it out. It´s almost compleated ... next chapter. Tomorrow or the day after will be out. I think :)
R.fanart_love on June 22nd, 2008 08:55 pm (UTC)
We miss u Kusanoo XD
awwu... Last part was sweet :) kinda makes me wish that he'd make a song for news irl too. Story wise, glad that massu is honest with Kusano all the way XD really cute fic.
Cris Liggett: nottikusanobabe05 on June 22nd, 2008 09:07 pm (UTC)
Re: We miss u Kusanoo XD
thanks for reading, notti luvs you...
Ivonneivonnemcgruder on June 22nd, 2008 09:08 pm (UTC)
Re: We miss u Kusanoo XD
He´s being honest ... but still he carry his secret about the person who hurt him before,ne? I hope Kusa will be curious...since I´m in charge of Massu´s character only, I can only hope :D You are right that there isn´t much Kusano including fanfics. Still I adore KusaPi the most...